Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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