i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
