Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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