Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
