I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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