Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
