I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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