Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
