remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
