I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
false alarm, still single
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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