How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
