What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
