Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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