My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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