I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
