just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
