so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize