I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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