grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
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Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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