Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
