2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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