You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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