If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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