So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
