woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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