it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Boobs are out for the taking
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
