Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
