I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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