At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
she peed on how many people?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
