: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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