her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
