i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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