Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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