we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
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You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
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He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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