you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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