instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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