I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
