Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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