i already hear my dad disowning me
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
