Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
3 2 1 whiskey
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
