You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
