Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Screwed.edu
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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