so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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