We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
