i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
