I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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