Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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