dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
