this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
