i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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