it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
