He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
