I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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