i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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