my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
