I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
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