guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize