We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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