WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
