my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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