R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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