I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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