I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
