I think my vagina is haunted
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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