Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
