is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
