Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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