im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
