I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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