life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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