we're blogging at a bar
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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