Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
