I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
