hell yes lets make some ravioli
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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